Grandpa Jason and Grandpa Chad - The AARP puts the average age of a first-time grandparent close to 50, and the CDC has some data. But I don't have first-parent age distributions for specific names, or generational first-child age correlations, so the dotted line is just a guess. Still, let's be honest: No further research is really *needed.* - Fri, 21 Feb 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2271/

Picking Bad Stocks - On the news a few days later: "Buzz is building around the so-called 'camping Roomba' after a big investment. Preorders have spiked, and..." - Wed, 19 Feb 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2270/

Phylogenetic Tree - And I was kicked out of my March Madness pool because I wouldn't shut up about the evidence for NBA/ABA endosymbiosis. - Mon, 17 Feb 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2269/

Further Research is Needed - Further research is needed to fully understand how we managed to do such a good job. - Fri, 14 Feb 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2268/

Blockchain - Blockchains are like grappling hooks, in that it's extremely cool when you encounter a problem for which they're the right solution, but it happens way too rarely in real life. - Wed, 12 Feb 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2267/

Leap Smearing - Some people suspect that it started as a "No, I didn't forget Valentine's Day" excuse that got out of hand. - Mon, 10 Feb 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2266/

Tax AI - I ended up getting my tax return prepared at a local place by a really friendly pretrained neural net named Greg. - Fri, 07 Feb 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2265/

Satellite - If you're going to let it burn up, make sure it happens over the deep end of the bathtub and not any populated parts of the house! - Wed, 05 Feb 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2264/

Cicadas - After a while you adjust to the new cicadian rhythm. - Mon, 03 Feb 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2263/

Parker Solar Probe - It will get within 9 or 10 Sun-diameters of the "bottom" (the Sun's surface) which seems pretty far when you put it that way, but from up here on Earth it's practically all the way down. - Fri, 31 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2262/

Worst Thing That Could Happen - Before I install any patch, I always open the patch notes and Ctrl-F for 'supervolcano', 'seagull', and 'garbage disposal', just to be safe. - Wed, 29 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2261/

Reaction Maps - If Google Maps stops letting you navigate to (Clay County District) A in West Virginia, you can try Jump, OH -> Ina, IL -> Big Hole, TX. - Mon, 27 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2260/

Networking Problems - LOOK, THE LATENCY FALLS EVERY TIME YOU CLAP YOUR HANDS AND SAY YOU BELIEVE - Fri, 24 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2259/

Solar System Changes - "Actually, Jupiter already has a very impressive ring system!" --someone who knows Jupiter is within earshot - Wed, 22 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2258/

Unsubscribe Message - A mix of the two is even worse: 'Thanks for unsubscribing and helping us pare this list down to reliable supporters.' - Mon, 20 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2257/

Bad Map Projection: South America - The projection does a good job preserving both distance and azimuth, at the cost of really exaggerating how many South Americas there are. - Fri, 17 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2256/

Tattoo Ideas - The text ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US with a lengthy footnote explaining that I got this tattoo in 2020 and not, as you may assume, 2001, but offering no further clarification. - Wed, 15 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2255/

JPEG2000 - I was actually a little relieved when I learned that JPEG2000 was used in the DCI digital cinema standard. I was feeling so bad for it! - Mon, 13 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2254/

Star Wars Voyager 1 - There's some flexibility depending on your standards for measuring runtime and the various special editions. If you still want to have a party, I'm sure you can find some combination that works. - Fri, 10 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2253/

Parenthetical Names - I never got around to seeing that movie about the battle (of Midway). - Wed, 08 Jan 2020 05:00:00 -0000 - xkcd.com/2252/

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