I Was In A Movie Called ‘Waterworld’ And Global Warming Is Causing Rising Sea Levels, So Is There Anything To That? Is That Worth Writing An Op-Ed About? No? I Dunno, Anyways… theonion.com/i-was-in-a-movie-

Woman Reminds Friend She Will Always Be Only A Phone Call, Uninterrupted 45-Minute Monologue About Guy She’s Seeing Away local.theonion.com/woman-remin

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