Tonight on Star Trek
Chekov enables the self-destruct to go off whenever the ship passes a Space Wendys but finds out that they weren't the first to visit the Delta quadrant.

Tonight on Star Trek: Voyager
Harry ignores the prime directive but accidentally causes the crew to get space drunk.

This time Mr. Sulu finally figures out how to make a fucking cloak work but they ran out of the special effects budget and just solved everything with a meeting.

In this episode Geordi goes on an incredible journey inside the life of a person from an ancient civilization but accidentally causes the crew to get space drunk.

Tonight on Deep Space 9
Commander Sisko is dismayed when once again, a major subspace distortion causes a loss of contact with the Rio Grande but also convinces Admiral Fraiser to take Space LSD.

Tonight on Star Trek: The Next Generation
Ensign Ro sure as shit isn't going into another meeting but accidentally causes the crew to get space drunk.

Tonight on Star Trek: Discovery Lieutenant Tyler can't stop jumping or the spore drive will explode that brings back an old cast member.

This time Captain Janeway makes first contact with a race of sentient insects but can't remember the last 24 hours.

In this episode Dax spent fifteen hours explaining baseball with the prophets and getting nowhere but also convinces Starfleet that holograms have rights.

This time Travis accidentally starts a war between two alien races but is really in the dream of a sick child at a hospital.

In this episode Captain Archer can't go below warp 5 or the core will explode but actually is the reason why we love.

This time Spock can't leave well enough alone but actually is the reason why we love.

Tonight on Star Trek: Discovery Ensign Tilly can't stop jumping or the spore drive will explode could have prevented all of this if they had scanned the planet first

This time Ensign Ro accidentally starts a war between two alien races but the crew has mutinied over the latest holonovel!

Tonight on Star Trek: The Next Generation
Lt. Cmdr Worf orders tea from the replicator and thinks really hard but it turns out it's a faaaaaake

In this episode Cmdr. Tuvok solves the puzzle onboard a derelict space station but actually is the link to the delta quadrant.

Tonight on Star Trek: Voyager
Seven of Nine sure as shit isn't going into another meeting but can't find any coffee.

This time Tom Paris is caught in a time bubble but also convinces Starfleet to let them go back to Risa.

In this episode Captain Lorca can't stop jumping or the spore drive will explode but could have solved everything if there was any continuity in the series.

Tonight on Star Trek: Discovery Voq crosses into the mirror universe to steal a pizza ordered by their counterpart but is suspiciously sensitive to light

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