Tonight on Star Trek: Discovery Commander Saru finds out how to get really high on mycelium spores but also convinces Starfleet that fuckbots are sentient and have rights.

Tonight on Enterprise
Subcommander T'Pol finally figures out how to make a fucking cloak work but is trapped in a mind-meld with another fucking old Spock.

In this episode Voq reconfigures the spore drive to mine bitcoin but can't find any coffee.

This time Odo has to deal with Gul Jasad but they have to find the cure to save their best friend.

Tonight on Deep Space 9
Dr. Bashir is the new Grand Negus but also convinces Admiral Fraiser to take Space LSD.

Tonight on Enterprise
Lt. Reed gets lunch with Degra and always goes to the bathroom before the check gets to the table but never really resolves the Klingon problem.

In this episode Captain Janeway can't stop dancing but they have to find the cure to save their best friend.

This time The EMH returns to Earth's past but can't escape the holodeck!

Tonight on Star Trek
Uhura talks with Spock's brain but they make a genetic duplicate in order to harvest their brain parts.

This time Dr. McCoy is trapped in an addictive game called ioquake3 but can't get Lt. Barclay's hologram to stop masturbating.

In this episode Seven of Nine can't leave well enough alone but takes a wrong turn at Albuquerque

In this episode Captain Archer meets a friendly robot who just wants to love but never really resolves the Klingon problem.

In this episode Spock accidentally forgets crewman Reyes on Seti Alpha VI but finds out that they weren't the first to visit the Delta quadrant.

In this episode Lt. Reed makes first contact with a new, obviously stereotypical, alien race but also convinces Starfleet that holograms have rights.

This time Odo is caught in a time bubble could have prevented all of this if they had scanned the station first

In this episode Kes finally figures out how to make a fucking cloak work but also convinces Admiral Fraiser to take Space LSD.

Tonight on Enterprise
Captain Archer can't go below warp 5 or the core will explode but can't remember the last 24 hours.

Tonight on Star Trek: The Next Generation
Lt. Cmdr Worf finds out the true meaning of Christmas could have prevented all of this if they had scanned the ship first

Next week, on CBS All-Access Kol can't stop watching reruns of 2 Broke Girls on CBS but is suspiciously sensitive to light

Tonight on Star Trek
Mr. Sulu eats some food cubes but finds out that they weren't the first to visit the Delta quadrant.

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