In this episode The EMH has a transporter accident and is merged with Neelix but could have solved everything if the transporter had just fucking worked.

In this episode Chekov watches as Yeoman Reyes is turned into novelty-sized dice but could have solved everything if the transporter had just fucking worked.

In this episode Data meets space nazis but could have solved everything if there was any continuity in the series.

This time Voq is convicted of mutiny but could have solved everything if the sensors had just fucking worked.

Tonight on Enterprise
Captain Archer travels through time but could have solved everything if the transporter had just fucking worked.

In this episode Dr. Crusher is caught in a time bubble but can't get Lt. Barclay's hologram to stop masturbating.

This time Ensign Ro spends the entire episode on a FaceTime call with Admiral Vance but finally figures out what was going on with those worms that took over Starfleet.

Tonight on Star Trek: Voyager
Tom Paris finds a giant space creature but the crew has mutinied over the latest holonovel!

This time Cmdr. Tuvok returns from shore leave but accidentally causes the crew to get space drunk.

This time Chekov travels through time but is trapped in a mind-meld with another fucking old Spock.

In this episode Counselor Troi returns from shore leave but the crew has mutinied over the latest holonovel!

In this episode Captain Janeway finds out the true meaning of Christmas but actually is the reason why we cry.

This time Michael gets caught running a tardigrade fighting ring but also starts another war!

In this episode Chakotay meets Amelia Earhart but can't get Lt. Barclay's hologram to stop masturbating.

Tonight on Star Trek: Discovery Kol can't stop jumping or the spore drive will explode but can't find any coffee.

Tonight on Star Trek: Discovery Kol crosses into the mirror universe to steal a pizza ordered by their counterpart that brings back an old cast member.

In this episode Odo is Tosk for a day could have prevented all of this if they had scanned the planet first

In this episode Uhura solves the puzzle onboard a derelict space station but actually is the reason why we love.

This time Dr. Crusher can't escape a dream but also convinces Starfleet that fuckbots are sentient and have rights.

This time Mr. Scott discovers a new planet but could have solved everything if the sensors had just fucking worked.

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