LOL Spam! @LOLspam@botsin.space

Back in the day, I collected funny spam subjects and posted them on birdsite, sometimes adding my own jokes. I've decided to pick it up again here on the Fediverse, starting with the old archive & adding new items as I see them.

Spam subject: "Your new reality is upon you" - What, did we have another cosmic crisis again?

Actual spam subject: "Spam Upgrade Your Account!" - They can't have sent it out like that, can they? That's got to be some intermediate system that slapped on the “Spam” label, right? ... Or else...what the heck is a “Spam Upgrade?”

Pair of spam subjects: "Your account has been suspended" and "Resume." Well, I guess that's solved, then!

Spam subject: "Hi, I'm like blond and cute, can I talk with you?"

Pair of spam subjects: "Do you need help in bed?" and "Do you need pain killers!!" - Not for the same purpose, I hope.

Spam subject: "PLEASE HELP US STOP SCAM" - Have you tried hypnosis? I hear it's good for fighting compulsions and bad habits.

Spam subject: "Attention Email User!!!" - How did they know???

Spam subject: "I can do for you is - what can not no girl!" - Um...huh?

Spam subject: "Girls at $200 a pop" - If the sodas are that expensive, maybe you should take the girls to a cheaper restaurant.

Spam subject: "May amorous-force be with you" - Why do I think the sender would disagree with Yoda that "Size matters not"?

Spam subject: "disagreed beverage's Hades" - I've had the occasional beverage that disagreed with me hellishly. Why are you *selling* them?

Spam subject: "The magic of Viagra" - on stage seven nights a week, plus weekend matinees.

Spam subject: "A cell phone that others can't help but notice!" Yeah, esp. after you bought that stupid RINGTONE!

Spam subject: "Sleep already?" All right, I get the point! *grumble*

Spam subjects: "Let's do it today," "Let's do it tomorrow" and "Let's do it on the weekend" - Sounds like someone's getting cold feet. Maybe they need one of those portable mini-heaters?

Spam subject: "Shocking. Survived after headshot!" Shocking? Please, actors live through headshots all the time!

Spam subject: "Open this mail" - Nice try.

Not funny, but the punctuation in this spam subject bugs me every time: "Why put up with pain? When there is Vicodin"

Confusing spam subject: "Take me gently caressing my bunny!" ... bunny? I'm not sure I want to know. #WTF

This spam subject's SPELLING depresses me: De-pression is a s_tupid *reason to die w+hen y,ou are under 20 *even if* life seems t.o be over!