Pinned toot

Back in the day, I collected funny spam subjects and posted them on birdsite, sometimes adding my own jokes. I've decided to pick it up again here on the Fediverse, starting with the old archive & adding new items as I see them.

Spam subject: "Change your small trout into a great white shark" Sounds like O.W.L. level Transfiguration to me.

Spam subject: "Are You Snoring Yourself to Death" - Ask the spouse who's about to smother you with a pillow.

Spam subject: "Your happiness is now free" - to do what?

Spam subject: "intense sex therapy" - is that *for* or *by means of*?

Spam subject: "Feel like a teen again" - No thanks, it was awkward enough the first time.

Spam subject: "Change your small trout into a great white shark" Sounds like O.W.L. level Transfiguration to me.

Spam subject: "Create the LlFE You've Always Wanted" Read the books, seen the movies. It never ends well.

Spam subject: "Raise your night efficiency" - Brush your teeth in seconds! Get 8 hours of sleep in 5 minutes!

Spam subject: "Enhance your sexual desires and your performance with Acai diet" - OK, I think the Acai fad's officially over now.

Actual spam subject: "Spam Upgrade Your Account!" - They can't have sent it out like that, can they? That's got to be some intermediate system that slapped on the “Spam” label, right? ... Or else...what the heck is a “Spam Upgrade?”

Spam subject: "Put the moon into your living room" - I'd love to, but I'm really going to have to move some furniture around to make it fit.

Spam subject: "Raise your carnal ambitions" - Bring an entire side of beef to your barbecue!

Spam subject: "Please stop eating these 2 veggies!" - My grocery budget is stretched thin right now, and they're all I have for lunch.

Spam subject: "Aliens spotted" - Odd, I thought they were striped.

Spam subject: "Vulcanize in size and win your gf's favor" - It's the only logical course of action.

Spam subject: "We sell you these pills thinking about you." All the way to the bank, I'm sure.

Spam subject: "Hire Top Ghostwriters At 85% Off To Create Your Timeless Wok 📕" - wait, are they ghost *writers*, ghost *cooks*, or ghost *metalworkers*??

Spam subject: "Add a small raisin to your outlook and every man will be yours." I'm still not sure what this one *means.*

Spam Subject: 'Review of our "success"' - If you have to put scare quotes around it, I'm not interested.

Spam subject: "Windows lockers availiable worldwide now!" - No thanks, I'd rather not let wannabe thieves see what's inside.

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