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Railroad Mollies 

Coroner says he was wacked out on some new drug called Railroad Mollies. Found him naked at a Hot Topic yellin' "Help me, the fax machines made my skin denim!"

Mini Grease 

They're callin' it Mini Grease. Somebody slips it into a kid's drink, next day he wakes up in a conference room covered in flax seeds.

Walrus Dandruff 

They're callin' it Walrus Dandruff, It's made from vinegar and Ambien. Found this dude at a T.J. Maxx wearin' nothin' but a black bolo tie sending group-texts of leather daddies to all of his ex-girlfriends.

Sewer Bassoon 

Dr. Warner says she was wacked out on some new drug called Sewer Bassoon. Found her naked at Penn Station yellin' "Hide me from the plush turtles!"

Florida Kaleidoscope 

Toxicology says he was high on somethin' called Florida Kaleidoscope. Picked him up in Jersey after tryin' to burglarize a Payless shoe store with a lint brush.

P-Funk Laura 

Dr. Warner says he was high on somethin' called P-Funk Laura. Picked him up in Yonkers after tryin' to rob a McDonald's with a can of roach spray.

Sugar Fist 

Kids are callin' it Sugar Fist. He set a dumpster on fire behind a Build-a-Bear and huffed the fumes until he thought he was gettin' attacked by an army of tiny never-nudes.

Bumblebee Pretendo 

Melinda says he was wacked out on some new drug called Bumblebee Pretendo. Found him naked in a swamp whisperin' "I love chiropractors."

Cellar Rage 

It's a nootropic from the dark 'net called Cellar Rage. Chick was in the middle of deliverin' a quarterly earnings report, suddenly she was invitin' everyone to "beta test" her new church that worships Hatsune Miku.

Shatner's Trainwreck 

Dealers are callin' it Shatner's Trainwreck. Somebody slips it into a kid's drink, next day she wakes up in the woods covered in shaving cream.

Mississippi Walrus 

Dealers are callin' it Mississippi Walrus, It's made from wheatgrass juice and Ambien. Found this dude in a Applebee's naked except for a leather blindfold buildin' a diorama of a Thai BBQ.

Baseball Whimpers 

Turns out that joint was laced with shaving cream and Triscuits. Street name is Baseball Whimpers.

Snake Issues 

Lab says he was high on somethin' called Snake Issues. It's a suppository for capybaras.

Bitter-Sweet Donut 

Toxicology found traces of hair dye and organic cacao. Street name is Bitter-Sweet Donut. It's an artisanal drug Donut from Portland.

Fuzzy Thrusters 

Turns out that joint was laced with glitter and Cheezits. They call it Fuzzy Thrusters.

Russel Chaperon 

Medical examiner says they OD'd on some new narcotic called Russel Chaperon. It's made from green tea and resin.

Fear Icing 

It's a nootropic from the dark 'net called Fear Icing. Dude was pitchin' his startup for wings restaurants staffed by animatronic ducks, suddenly he was floatin' out the window in a drone powered hammock.

Devil Cakes 

Medical examiner says he was high on somethin' called Devil Cakes. It's an anti-anxiety pill for pugs.

Sticky Donut 

Medical examiner found traces of Penicillin and Himalayan pink salt. Street name is Sticky Donut. It's an artisanal drug Donut from Portland.

Farm Treats 

Coroner says they OD'd on some new narcotic called Farm Treats. It's made from La Croix and MDMA.

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