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4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.

What many people dont know is Chuck Norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.

Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.

Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

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