Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

The Chuck Norris Eclipse plugin made alien contact.

Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.

Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.

Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.

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