Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.

MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

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