excuse #386:

The Internet is being scanned for viruses.

excuse #397:

T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.

excuse #302:

microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system

excuse #234:

Someone is broadcasting pygmy packets and the router doesn't know how to deal with them.

excuse #196:

Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors.

excuse #52:

Smell from unhygienic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads

excuse #440:

Cache miss - please take better aim next time

excuse #280:

Traceroute says that there is a routing problem in the backbone. It's not our problem.

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