Pinned toot

Order. Here is a picture of me yelling “Order!” riding high upon a giant flying flamingo over parliament like Daenerys Targaryen on her dragon.

All credit goes to Jim'll Paint It:

Pinned toot

Order! There are other colleagues who wish to speak. It would be a considerable discourtesy for anybody to speak for longer than five minutes, given that others also wish to contribute.

ORDER! I am keen to accommodate colleagues, but we have the business question to follow and thereafter another statement, and after that the Prime Minister’s statement. There is a premium upon brevity, to be exemplified by single-sentence questions, pioneered by the hon. Gentleman from Bosworth, Mr David Tredinnick—one sentence, man.

ORDER! There is a hell of a lot of noise in the Chamber. The House must hear Tom Pursglove.

Order. A further 72 right hon. and hon. Members are seeking to catch my eye in tonight and tomorrow morning’s debate, on account of which there will have to be, with immediate effect, a five-minute limit on Back-Bench speeches. I counsel colleagues that that limit will, in all likelihood, have to be reduced in due course.

ORDER! This is very unseemly. No, I am sorry, it is very unseemly. The hon. Lady— Mr Pound, your expertise in gesticulation is well known to all Members of the House, but it is not required to be on display at this time. Caroline Lucas will be heard.

ORDER! I appeal to Members making too much noise to stop doing so. Order. I very gently say to the junior Minister on the Back Bench, who is making far too much noise, that he is ordinarily a good-natured and genial chap—I am referring to the hon. Member for Hexham. Mr Opperman, you can do so much better; try to be a well-behaved citizen today.

Order. ORDERRRRRRR!! I said that the Prime Minister must not be subjected to orchestrated heckling and attempts to shout her down. The same goes for the Leader of the Opposition. Let me give notice now to some of the people who are shouting loudly: if you want to persist in that behaviour, do not be surprised if you do not catch my eye in the questioning.

Order. ORDERRRRRRR!! This is about non-funded pension schemes, not funding pay rises. It was a nice try, and the hon. Gentleman is a cheeky chappie, but we will leave that one there and come to the other Smith, Nick Smith.

Order. ORDER!!!! After the hon. Member for Wirral South, the time limit will have to be reduced with immediate effect to four minutes, because I want to get in as many colleagues as possible.

Order! There is excessive noise in the Chamber. My understanding, in so far as I can hear— Order. Calm yourselves. My understanding is that Mr Johnson is not currently giving way.

ORDER! The five-minute limit on Back-Bench speeches will now have to apply. I know that the right hon. Member for Ashford has been notified of this.

Order! I am sorry to those colleagues remaining, but exciting though the session was, all good things come to an end.

ORDER! Before the right hon. Lady intervenes, can I make this point? People are perfectly entitled to intervene, but if they keep doing so, particularly those who have already spoken, they do so knowing that they are stopping other colleagues from speaking. Let us be clear about that. Does the right hon. Lady still wish to intervene?

Order. A four-minute limit now applies. I am trying to incorporate everybody: that is the rationale.

Order. I always admit of the maximum number of votes and Divisions, as the right hon. Gentleman should know from his experience in the House, and I hope that he will trust that I know of what I speak. There can be a Division, and it will be at the end of questions, not now. That is the end of the matter. I call the Prime Minister.

Order. ORDERRRRRRR!! Forgive me, but I did not hear what was said. I hope the word “liar” was not used. Order. I am perfectly capable of handling this matter with alacrity, and I shall do so. Order. If that word was used, it must be withdrawn at once without equivocation or qualification. Order.

Order. ORDER!!!! Members must not shout across the Chamber at the right hon. Gentleman. It is extremely unseemly— Order. I have no doubt that he is well able to look after himself. I am not really concerned about him; I am concerned about the reputation of the House.

Order. Members on both sides of the House should try to calm down. There is a long way to go and, as is my usual custom, I hope to be able to call everybody who wants to ask a question. People do not need to chunter from their seats when they can speak on their feet.

Order. That observation from the beginning of that point of order has met with much criticism, but I would very gently say to Members that they cannot have it both ways. They cannot on the one hand talk about wanting respect for their own right to speak and their own opinion, but not accord a comparable level of respect to someone who happens to express a view that differs from their own.

ORDER! The sitting is suspended until 3.15 pm, so that Members can attend the Remembrance service in St Margaret’s Church. Sitting suspended for the Armistice centenary commemoration.

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