Aisle 29867, Shelf 9, Object 4E:0E:C7:D5:2A:5F

A magnifying glass. There's something unpleasant about it; you aren't sure what.

Aisle 29, Shelf 9, Object 9E:B0:FD:CA:8C:8E

An ornately-framed mirror. Your reflection seems ordinary, but glaring over your left (or is that right?) shoulder is William Henry Harrison.

Aisle 13769, Shelf 4, Object D4:AC:E0:F3:DC:A1

A wax death mask of Albert Einstein. The amount of detail is startling; his eyelashes look almost real.

Looking at it fills you with an unfocused sense of dread.

Aisle 81, Shelf 1, Object C8:9B:E3:B5:CD:AC

A wooden crate with "ACME PORTABLE BANK VAULT" stenciled on the side. It appears to be unopened.

Aisle 3439, Shelf 7, Object ED:B6:FC:DB:1F:25

A 13-inch Magnavox color TV/VCR combo playing an advertisement for Head On (apply directly to the forehead!) on a continuous loop.

You realize you have your phone out and are dialing the number on the screen. Your training kicks in, and you go to return your phone to your locker in the break room, where you could have sworn it was at the start of your shift.

Aisle 3708, Shelf 9, Object 9B:1F:D2:AB:6C:35

A 13-inch Magnavox color TV/VCR combo playing an advertisement for Ginsu knives on a continuous loop. It does not appear to be plugged in.

When your safety badge gets hot enough to melt and release its ammonia fumes, you realize that you have been chanting the sales pitch along with the narrator for the last ten minutes. Your throat is raw, and now you're going to have to spend the last hour of your shift in Decontamination. Again.

Aisle 7254, Shelf 3, Object 2A:7A:EC:0D:B6:FE

A wax death mask of Richard Feynman. The amount of detail is startling; his eyelashes look almost real.

It draws your attention, and you find that you can't look away. Well, you probably could, but you don't want to, just now.

Aisle 747, Shelf 4, Object D8:FD:B9:A5:EC:2F

A red lacquered box, approximately the size of a matchbox, with a discreet round button on the front. Its object label reads only "Collected by Isaac Newton".

You push the button and the box vanishes. Don't worry; it did that last time, too.

Aisle 131, Shelf 6, Object CD:B0:AE:4F:2B:3D

A Bakelite box, roughly the size of a matchbox, with a discreet round button on the lid. Its object label reads only "Collected by Richard Feynman".

You push the button. Now there are two identical boxes on the shelf.

Aisle 42, Shelf 6, Object D7:CE:4A:F7:BE:CE

A Nokia 3310 cell phone. Nothing to write home about.

It smells faintly of lime and wood smoke.

Aisle 536, Shelf 5, Object 4D:B7:EC:1A:5C:DF

A wax death mask of Anton LaVey.

From the look of the dust on the shelf, someone has recently tried to put this back exactly how they found it.

Aisle 22684, Shelf 6, Object 6C:A8:F9:ED:25:CB

A cardboard box with "ACME INFLATABLE BOMB SHELTER" stenciled on the side. It is empty, save for a small pile of bird seed. A dull box cutter is on the floor nearby.

Aisle 896, Shelf 7, Object EF:B4:BA:DC:8F:B4

An aluminum case with "ACME INFLATABLE SUBMARINE" stenciled on the side. You didn't know they made those!

Aisle 25, Shelf 8, Object B6:A9:AC:0B:FD:A7

A cardboard box with "ACME INFLATABLE BLACK HOLE" stenciled on the side. You didn't know they made those!

Aisle 1210, Shelf 1, Object 1C:7A:3D:65:CF:8E

An ornately-framed full-length mirror. Your reflection seems ordinary, but instead of the Warehouse behind you, you see the moon and stars.

Aisle 831, Shelf 2, Object B6:CA:E7:FD:BF:7A

A first-generation iPod. A small label reads: DO NOT EXPOSE TO DIRECT SUNLIGHT.

It smells faintly of lemon and ... bacon?

Aisle 50, Shelf 7, Object 9E:4B:83:FD:AE:7C

An ebony box, approximately the size of a shoebox, with a prominent red button on the lid. Its object label reads only "Recovered from William Henry Harrison".

You feel an almost irresistible urge to push the button, but you remember what happened last time.

Aisle 85, Shelf 9, Object 1E:0F:2A:B3:CC:D8

An ebony box, roughly the size of a matchbox, with a prominent black button on the front. Its object label reads only "Collected by Robert Anton Wilson".

You feel an almost irresistible urge to push the button, but you remember what happened last time.

Aisle 18, Shelf 7, Object EC:B5:01:D2:CA:E3

An aluminum case with "ACME PREMIUM HANG GLIDER" stenciled on the side. You didn't know they made those!

Aisle 241, Shelf 7, Object AF:EB:A3:CF:DE:5B

A plaster death mask of Thomas Edison. There is a tiny bead of moisture in the corner of one eye.

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