Aisle 23, Shelf 5, Object AF:2E:0B:9D:AC:FB

A 13-inch Toshiba color TV/VCR combo playing an advertisement for Head On (apply directly to the forehead!) on a continuous loop.

You already have one of those, so why is someone on your phone thanking you for your purchase? Didn't you leave your phone in your locker?

Aisle 36, Shelf 5, Object 42:CA:CE:DB:FA:3C

A wax death mask of Lizzie Borden.

A small label nearby reads DO NOT EXPOSE TO DIRECT SUNLIGHT.

Aisle 17958, Shelf 4, Object C0:CD:21:CF:E6:BB

A plaster death mask of Pamela Colman Smith.

It is entirely unremarkable. Entirely.

Aisle 16, Shelf 2, Object 47:DA:92:AB:8D:AF

A 13-inch Magnavox color TV/VCR combo playing an advertisement for spray-on hair on a continuous loop.

You knew your schedule would take you into this section today, so you left your phone in your locker. How you came to be dialing the on-screen number, then, is a question you might want to bring up with your supervisor next time you see him.

Aisle 75, Shelf 6, Object 3C:6A:9B:C0:1D:7F

A wax death mask of Ada Lovelace.

It is entirely unremarkable. Entirely.

Aisle 88370, Shelf 7, Object C9:EA:8B:FD:8B:72

An ornately-framed mirror, about three feet tall. Your reflection seems ordinary, but watching over your left (or is that right?) shoulder is Elizabeth Bathory. She seems to be trying to warn you about something, but you can't hear her.

Aisle 381, Shelf 2, Object 1A:A9:CE:0D:2F:4B

A wax death mask of Jean Eugene Robert-Houdin. The amount of detail is startling; his eyelashes look almost real.

It draws your attention, and you find that you can't look away. Well, you probably could, but you don't want to, just now.

Aisle 95129, Shelf 8, Object A3:0F:ED:6B:F2:FE

An ordinary glass hand mirror. Your reflection seems ordinary, but instead of the Warehouse behind you, you see a perfectly maintained English garden.

Aisle 41, Shelf 1, Object 5E:C6:DA:C7:B4:DF

A small square photograph of Queen Victoria looking confused. One corner of the photo has been torn off.

If you look at it long enough, she sticks her tongue out at you.

Aisle 1075, Shelf 4, Object BA:3E:1A:F6:C8:E0

An apple. Perfectly ordinary.

Looking at it fills you with an unfocused sense of dread.

Aisle 408, Shelf 1, Object FC:DE:B3:4C:AF:0B

A 13-inch Sony color TV/VCR combo playing an advertisement for "pocket" garden hoses on a continuous loop.

When your safety badge gets hot enough to melt and release its ammonia fumes, you realize that you have been chanting the sales pitch along with the narrator for the last ten minutes. Your throat is raw, and now you're going to have to spend the last hour of your shift in Decontamination.

Aisle 10, Shelf 7, Object 0B:5F:CA:3B:E9:6D

A 13-inch Quasar color TV/VCR combo playing an advertisement for Head On (apply directly to the forehead!) on a continuous loop.

When your safety badge gets hot enough to melt and release its ammonia fumes, you realize that you have been chanting the sales pitch along with the narrator for the last ten minutes. Your throat is raw, and now you're going to have to spend the last hour of your shift in Decontamination. Damn it.

Aisle 45, Shelf 7, Object 3A:D9:CE:0B:3F:5E

An aluminum case with "ACME PREMIUM ANVIL" stenciled on the side. It is empty, save for an assembly diagram. A crowbar is on the floor nearby.

Aisle 71, Shelf 6, Object C5:DF:4A:C6:8B:2E

A black plastic box, about the size of a pack of cigarettes, with a prominent red button on the lid. Its object label reads only "Recovered by Albert Einstein".

You push the button. A deep thrumming surrounds you for exactly five seconds, then stops.

Aisle 18, Shelf 3, Object DE:6F:C3:AE:B2:DD

A copy of yesterday's newspaper. A yellowing paper label reads: DO NOT EXPOSE TO DIRECT SUNLIGHT.

A small label nearby reads DO NOT REMOVE FROM CASE. You do not see a case.

Aisle 5327, Shelf 7, Object 4C:DB:09:EA:17:CF

A 13-inch Sorny color TV/VCR combo playing an advertisement for retractable awnings on a continuous loop.

When your safety badge gets hot enough to melt and release its ammonia fumes, you realize that you have been chanting the sales pitch along with the narrator for the last ten minutes. Your throat is raw, and now you're going to have to spend the last hour of your shift in Decontamination. Again.

Aisle 42, Shelf 4, Object 5A:7A:FC:04:D7:EB

A black and white photograph of Nikola Tesla looking straight at the camera.

You try to lift it, but it will not budge.

Aisle 21, Shelf 2, Object 5F:AB:7B:CA:5D:ED

A wooden crate with "ACME INFLATABLE CANNON" stenciled on the side. It is empty, save for an illegible business card.

Aisle 60, Shelf 6, Object 8A:BA:CE:4F:D6:BA

A pencil case. There's something aesthetically pleasing about it; you can't quite put your finger on it.

Aisle 56, Shelf 8, Object 3A:7E:D8:5A:C1:B9

A 4x6 photograph of Adolf Hitler, in his youth, looking confused. The photo has been torn into three uneven pieces and taped back together.

If you look at it long enough, he sticks his tongue out at you.

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