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Spam subject: "Prepare for a nightmare" You don't're going to email me again, do you?

Spam subject: "Grow your own delicious, giant blueberries" - How big are we talking? Cherry? Tomato? Beach ball?...Violet?

Bogus Better Business Bureau bulletins would work better if sent to an actual business address.

Spam subject: "Compelling force will try to tear your zipper every time you'll be with a girl." That'll cause a few awkward moments.

Spam subject: "Have you checked our rebates? bepbhqfcropt" (insert horse whinny here.)

Spam subject: "This is the best thing since peanut butter, and it can change your life forever..." Hmm. Right after sliced bread.

Spam subject: "Your sausage is set to grow" - What did you do, plant it in the back yard?

"Would You Buy This House For $348.81?" - Unfortunately it's got a 10,000% interest rate.

Spam subject: "Make your privates ready!" Atten-HUT!

Spam subject: "you are beautiful, because we care" - Are you saying that if you didn't care, I wouldn't be beautiful?

Spam subject: "Effects of longer rod revealed" - It doesn't fit in the shower unless you angle it, so the curtain always slides down.

Spam subject: "Always be ready." You never know when a zombie apocalypse will hit.

"Office Swivel Chair is now following you on Twitter!" - Better there than following me around the office, I suppose.

Spam subject: "Give her some best drilling" - This is for dentists, right?

Spam subject: "Dive away in a 2017 for practically nothing" - Splash!

Spam subject: "Be a Superman with ladies" - As I recall, Superman was kind of a jerk to Lois:

Spam subject: "The best way to prove your virility is getting a Submariner SS watch" Really? I can think of some MUCH more effective methods

Spam subject: "Scam Alert: You Have Been Scammed !!" - Not surprisingly, the message itself was a scam.

Spam subject: "Get convexity on jeans" - Aren't most jeans convex? Oh, wait, they mean the *front*.

Spam subject: "Grow a big package today" - Then ship it tomorrow!

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