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"After childhood an risk of taxing, the seafloor grew tough." Um...sure.

Spam subject: "Girls at $200 a pop" - If the sodas are that expensive, maybe you should take the girls to a cheaper restaurant.

I keep reading the phish for "Ally Bank" as if it was someone's name. "Hi, I'm Alison Bank, but you can call me Ally."

Spam subject: "Early the suspected crime, was the position of the poo" - No thanks, I REALLY don't want to know!

Spam subject: "I AM NOW AT JFK AIRPORT !!!!" - on an "inheritance/lottery" scam. (Yes, it listed both!)

Spam subject: "Make your love torpedo drive all the way to her tanker."

Spam subject: "Our watch will look great even on any loser." - Nice backhand you've got, there.

Spam subject: "You acted weird." Shouldn't have taken those drugs I ordered off the internet...

Spam subject: "?./REALLY YOU DID NOT TRY THEM?/.?" - I did not like them, Sam-I-Am. I do not open email spam.

Spam subject: "Bermuda triangle mystery revealed" - It's actually a parallelogram!

Spam Subject: "Infection attacks! Fight back!" Too late to roll for initiative, I guess.

Spam subject: "The coolest joint in the world" - I didn't know they grew pot in Antarctica.

Why am I getting spam from furniture? And no, that's not a typo. I've got comments posted by "Recliner" "Folding table" and "Hickory chair."

Spam subject: "The Life changing experience Accai Berry" - You see, they *used* to be able to *spell!*

Spam subject: "Be sure your husband won.t be looking for a mistress, become 2 in 1!" Become two what?

Spam subject: "Girls remain dry with you?" - Maybe you should fill the swimming pool *before* inviting them over.

Spam subject: "Shocking. Survived after headshot!" Shocking? Please, actors live through headshots all the time!

"mudslinging conformist" - Please provide references for at least 3 non-conformists at whom you have slung mud in the last 6 months

Spam subject: "She will stare at you" - Well, as long as it's not in the same way that she'd stare at a train wreck...

Spam subject: "Ask us what is the secret of xxxmovie starts and we will answer your question." Secret? Don't you just press play?

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