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I keep reading the spam "Crude Oil Proposal" as a crude proposal involving oil, not a proposal about crude oil.

Spam subject: "Stop Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Fast!" - What is this, a military simulation game?

Spam subject: "The pill form gives you a unique sophistication that makes you ever ready for STEAMY, HOT SEX anytime, anywhere" - Sophistication. Right.

Spam subject of the day here! "Teh internets wait"

Spam subject: "Rock n Roll drummer writer therapist that's me" - Let me guess: you're looking for a world-famous billionaire bikini supermodel astrophysicist. Good luck with that.

Nice try, Mr. Bad Credit Contract Phones...if that's really your name.

Spam subject: "JOIN THE GREAT ILLUMINATI" Yeah, right. Like I'd fnord believe that.

Spam subject: "Hire Top Ghostwriters At 85% Off To Create Your Timeless Wok 📕" - wait, are they ghost *writers*, ghost *cooks*, or ghost *metalworkers*??

Spam subject: "Glad to see you in the world of cheap designer watches." Didn't the Enterprise visit that? Next to the Planet of Hats?

Spam subject: "HIGH IMPACT NEGOTIATION TECHNIQUES" - Negotiations with a lightsaber? Or Thor's hammer?

Subject: "I see you didn't open my email..." Nope, nothing creepy about that...

Spam subject: "So bored" Sounds like they need one of those watches that "makes boring time go faster."

Spam subject: "Give her the carnival of feelings, the night of crazy banging." Hey, everyone loves a clown, right?

Looks like vampires get body-part enhancement spam too: "Your woman will be shocked by your fang's astonishing progress."

Spam subject: "Who your mom is" Oh yeah? Well, YOUR MOM is who your mom is...um...nevermind.

Spam subject: "Your morning coffee can do so much more than just wake you up" - Will it make toast for me, too?

Pair of spam subjects: "Disappointed with your bad performance in bed?" & "Do you need help falling asleep?"

This spam subject would work just as well for a mattress store: "Produce a dream performance in bed"

Spam subject: "This watch will give you joy every time you wear it." Or maybe it's just the Prozac patch on the inside.

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